Ergebnis 1 bis 6 von 6

Thema: Migratory Birds

  1. #1

    Migratory Birds

    Aus einer Laune heraus habe begonnen, eine Idee, die mich sehr gereizt hat, als Geschichte umzusetzen. Das hier ist ein doppeltes Experiment, weil ich erstens noch kaum geplant habe, wie es weitergeht, und weil ich noch nie eine Geschichte in Englisch geschrieben habe. Das habe ich nämlich ebenfalls aus einer Laune heraus getan, und es fiel mir leichter als gedacht. Sicher, ob ich dabei bleibe, bin ich jedoch noch nicht.

    Anyway, hier ist der Anfang. Und mehr gibt's auch noch nicht. :>



    First they came home late, then they left their homes altogether. They abandoned their work, their families and their names in order to move around. They called themselves "Migratory Birds" or "Drifters". The newspaper called it the "desponsibility syndrome", but researchers had yet to come up with a conclusive theory about what led people to become Drifters.

    Rich or poor, man or woman, old or young, black or white, it didn't matter. They came from all countries and there was nothing they had in common except for their desire to "drift", as some of them called it. Their destination? No one knew, not even they did. Truth was, however, they were all driven by something. Their feelings told them to move from place to place, or rather: their instincts did. You know how sometimes you feel the sudden urge to get up and go outside? I think that's not too different from what Drifters feel, but their sensation is much more intense, almost spiritual.

    I've always wondered about one thing, though: No Drifter ever wants to return home. Returning to a previously visited place is not unusual for a Drifter as long as they don't stay for too long, but they avoid to go back to where they came from at all costs. I've seen Drifters who were forced to go back, and all I can say is, it didn't end well. Some tried to run away again, but some of them didn't have the liberty to so. Kids, especially, were common victims of their parents' protective attitude. You see, a Drifter's drive to be on the move is so strong that they become restless if they stay in one place for too long. That's how it starts, anyway, but more often sooner than later they lose their minds entirely. They might just appear to be absentminded at first, but eventually they will hurt themselves, and it never ends well. If suicide is the only way out, they don't hesitate to meet an untimely end. If this doesn't work, however, they go on a rampage or worse. As I said, it never ends well.

    But never mind that. Let's go back to where I started. The newspaper called it "desponsibility syndrome", I said, which is, of course, just a fancy term that doesn't make sense at all. It's utterly wrong, even, and the term only got popular because the first Drifters that received public attention were working adults with families. Of course society thought it was a curious case of some stressed out people who wanted to run from all their responsibilities. Naturally there were also children who left their homes, but no one pays attention to a bunch of runaway kids when there are working members of the society suddenly missing, or families without someone to feed them.

    In any case, most people were oblivious about why Drifters decided to leave their homes. What they didn't understand is that it was not a decision, but an instinct. I've talked to a couple of Drifters who'd left their families behind, and although they avoided talking about this topic when they could, it was easy to see that what they had done pained them greatly. It was never a matter of responsibility. I think many Drifters led happy lives, but one day they went out of their houses and didn't come back, just like that and without prior warning.

    This phenomenon probably began about two years ago, but it's been less than a year since Drifters started to attract public attention. Of course everyone knew about them now, and what started as a shock for everyone had quickly turned into somewhat of a fashion because the concept of "being free" seemed to appeal to many young people. Most of them had probably never done so much as left their home towns without their friends or family, though, and the majority gave up living a "drifting life" after a couple of days or weeks. There were still a lot of wannabe Drifters everywhere, though, and with them came organizations spreading their esoteric drivel about the "True Call" or something. That's all nonsense, obviously, but it made it even more difficult for people to grasp what a real Drifter actually is.

    Our story starts in a spacious hotel somewhere in a port town in the east of North America. This place was a popular gathering spot for Drifters because ships took off from and arrived here. This is also where I met a young man who would soon become the protagonist of my story – that's what I wanted, at least. To tell the truth, it all began because I needed material for my weekly column "Drifting Life" I wrote for a reasonably well-known newspaper, and an acquaintance of mine had arranged a meeting for me with a "highly interesting" person, as he’d told me. I was not convinced, but what choices did I have? That's how I came here, grumbling to myself the entire way. As I entered, I was greeted by a gush of warm air and the countless voices of all the people that had assembled in the hotel's foyer. Unconvinced that I would find my person of interest in this crowd, I paved my way to the bar nearby where I was supposed to meet him. On the way I bumped into countless shoulders, and I started to get tired before I’d even arrived.

    After waiting for what seemed like an eternity, I was finally able to secure a free spot at the bar and order a beer. A quick gaze at my watch indicated that I was still five minutes early. “Good,” I thought, but then it occurred to me that I had no idea how to find the Drifter I was supposed to meet – the very vague description my acquaintance had given me certainly didn’t help in a place where I couldn’t see more than two steps in any direction.
    The bartender had probably forgotten about me because I never got my beer. Then a voice right behind me called my name.

    “Mr. Auteberry?”

    As I turned around, the cheerful face of a young man with bright blue eyes and brown hair looked straight into mine. For a moment I was too perplexed to say anything, but after a second I regained my composure.

    “Yes, yes, that’s me. Then you must be—“

    “Falk Peregrine. Pleased to meet you, sir.”

    He smiled brightly and I chuckled – a name like this was just too common for a Drifter. Then I fished my hands out of my pockets in order to greet him properly. While shaking hands, I suddenly felt incredibly excited for the first time in a long while and I, too, smiled.

    “Pleased to meet you to, Mr. Peregrine.”

    This is where everything began.

  2. #2
    Also geht es um Leute, die nicht zu lange an einem Ort bleiben können/wollen? Rastlose Wanderer?

    Ob es Potenzial hat, ist schwierig zu sagen, denn es passiert ja im Grunde nichts und der Text ist dazu zu kurz.

  3. #3
    Genau, das ist ungefähr das Thema. Die Geschichte wird absehen von dieser Tatsache vermutlich zunächst bodenständig bleiben bzw. ohne viele übernatürliche Elemente auskommen. Ich habe ein paar Ideen, wie es weitergeht und in welche Richtung das Thema laufen wird, aber das sind nur Einfälle und die sind noch nicht richtig ausgearbeitet. Ob die Idee Potential hat, kann ich daher selbst nicht einmal einschätzen. ^^

    In jedem Fall wird es weiterhin um (mindestens) diese zwei Personen gehen: Den "Story Hunter" von der Zeitung und den Drifter, wobei ersterer immer mehr in die Welt der Drifter hineingezogen wird, ohne es wirklich geplant / gewollt zu haben. Das hier ist in jedem Fall auch mehr ein Experiment bzw. ein Spaß von mir als ein ernsthafter, durchgeplanter Versuch, eine umfangreiche Geschichte zu schreiben. Ich will einfach mal schauen, ob ich das hier weiterentwickeln kann, und falls ja, in welche Richtung es geht.

  4. #4
    Auch wenn es tatsächlich nicht sehr viel ist finde ich die Idee sehr interessant - kann sich eben wirklich in alle möglichen Richtungen entwickeln, vom leichtherzigen Roadtrip zum Psychotrip ist ja alles denkbar. Ich mag aber auch den Schreibstil gerne, auch wenn ein paar Formulierungen und Begriffe hier und da etwas haken

    Kurze Frage noch: Ist "desponsiblity" ein blend aus de- und responsibilty, im Sinne von "irresponsibility"? Ich hab das Wort noch nie gehört und konnte es jetzt nur als Tippfehler finden.


    Ich würde jedenfalls sehr gerne mehr lesen und würde mich auch gerne fürs Korrekturlesen anbieten, falls du da jemanden suchen solltest.

  5. #5
    Sorry für die späte Antwort, hab den Link gerade in den Lesezeichen wiedergefunden. ^^
    Danke für dein Feedback. Und ja, "desponsibility" habe ich mir ausgedacht (Präfix de- + responsibility, quasi wie "Entantwortung", wobei ich die englische Version besser finde).

    Dass ein paar Formulierungen noch nicht so gut klingen, habe ich mir gedacht. Daher war ich mir auch nicht ganz sicher, ob ich beim Englischen bleiben sollte, aber tendenziell würde ich dabei bleiben, denke ich. Da ist mit Sicherheit ein Korrekturleser auch nicht verkehrt, danke für das Angebot. Ich werd drauf zurückkommen, wenn ich Lust hab, weiterzuschreiben!

  6. #6
    Also man merkt, dass du kein Muttersprachler bist, aber wirklich schlimm ist das nicht. Das Konzept gefällt mir soweit ganz gut, ein vom Ausgangspunkt eher unbeteiligter Erzähler (er ist ja kein Drifter) passt hier auch super, jedoch mag mir diese "Let me tell you a story, kid" Erzählweise nicht so sehr gefallen, aber das ist wohl ansichtssache. Jedoch hat mir das "Our story starts" schon ein wenig Zähneknirschen bereitet. Ersteinmal beginnt die Story schon viel eher (durch die ersten Drifter) und zweitens, sollte er sich hierbei tatsächlich nur auf seine persönliche Geschichte beziehen, die er erzählen will, wirkt diese Einleitung zu distanziert, als ob er zum Großteil unbeteiligt wäre.

    Für ne Kurzgeschichte recht interessantes Konzept, muss ich schon sagen. Ich weiß nicht, was du mit der Geschichte noch vor hast, aber ich glaube, man kann da wirklich ne Menge rausholen.

Berechtigungen

  • Neue Themen erstellen: Nein
  • Themen beantworten: Nein
  • Anhänge hochladen: Nein
  • Beiträge bearbeiten: Nein
  •