Mein erstes Fanfic! [A story about hope]

[Onk3lM0]

Equestria Daily hat geantwortet... meine Story wird dort nicht hochgeladen.

Hier mal ihre Antwort:

have a review!
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Thank you for submitting your story to EQD! English is an awful language to work with (even native speakers make many mistakes), so the fact that you've done this well is already a plus.


Unfortunately, there are still many grammatical and structural errors in the story... too many to really relay here.





[List of Issues]

1) First person is a good tense to use, but is very difficult to do... even for native English speakers. Yours had many issues with it. It is going to need heavy editing.

2) Human in Equestria stories tend not to do well on the boards, and again, is something only seasoned writers tend to try for. Even I can't do it right; I avoid doing them.

3) 'Bronies' in Equestria don't do well on the board, nor do others tend to want to read it. Because...

4) ... it tends to lead to Wish Fulfilment / Self-insertion. That's what this story seems to read as: your self-insert into Equestria.



[Suggested Fixes]


Take your story over to WTG / Ponychan and ask for editing help. You'll also need to find an editor that speaks your native tongue and English fluently to help you catch the grammar mistakes.

Read over the Omnibus for other suggestions and assistance:
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1...RpOUK_6KY/edit


[Final Verdict]

This is a good attempt, but it is not ready yet. It will need to spend a very long time in Ponychan before it is.

Ich könnte jetzt sagen, dass die ganzen Wochen an Arbeit umsonst waren, ich könnte mich selbst bemitleiden und nie wieder schreiben wollen aber das tue ich nicht.
Ich finde es erstmal klasse, dass die Leute von ED überhaupt meine Story an die Pre-Reader geschickt haben. Ich habe auch schon geantwortet und gefragt, ob meine Geschichte da villeicht hochgeladen wird wenn sie überarbeitet ist.
Ich werde die Story also mal auf Ponychan stellen und Jemanden bitten mir zu helfen.
Ich muss das nur erst noch verdauen, weil ich nicht gedacht hätte, dass mein Englisch so viele Fehler beinhaltet. Nunja, was lange währt wird endlich gut, nicht wahr?