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Who's excited for this? Pain Forest sounds like intense levels of manly-awesomeness, the likes of Minecraftians have only dreamed of thus far. What are your theories as to how this biome will operate?
As the graph indicates, the Pain Forest seems to be in a max precipitation, max temperature environment. I predict that the region will periodically experience a TORRENTIAL DOWNPOUR of blood. Only the MANLIEST of men (probably those from Australia) will be able to withstand the intense acidity [sic] of the blood rain. Potentially, less-than-manly Mincraftians could utilize corrosion-resistant GOLDEN ARMOR to shield themselves.
The intense heat and awesomeness will be too great for the weak wooden structures that lesser men create, causing all wooden creations to INSTANTLY BURST INTO FLAMES. Even TREES will be unable to brave the awesome heat, and instead, only the super-manly IRON-TREES will find the willpower to grow in the Pain Forest and can only be harvested by a DIAMOND AXE.
Also, any water in the area will INSTANTLY EVAPORATE through processes only understood by SCIENTISTS and some THEOLOGIANS. Zombies in the area will have the skin melt away and only their SKELETONS will remain, and they'll shoot ARROWS from their STERNUMS. Spiders in the area will inexplicably grow TWICE THEIR SIZE, and maybe shoot fire, FROM THEIR THORAX [sic]. Creepers will still explode as usual, but their suicide will also release a LAVA SPRING from their REMAINS. Skeletons will mostly remain the same, except that their arrows will now BURST INTO FLAMES since they're made of wood. Your own arrows will tend to do the same. I think we can agree that this is AWESOME.
Sheep will INSTANTLY BURST INTO FLAMES, due to the high flammability of their wool coats. Only the manliest of sheep will remain, those with coats of PURE DIAMOND. Except these Diamond Sheep aren't DOCILE. Instead they will give up EVERYTHING in an attempt to KILL YOU. AND YOUR FRIENDS. They don't eat grass, they eat FIRE. These Sheep will shoot LASERS from their EYES. Also they can glide do to INEXPLICABLE means.
Pigs will spawn FULLY COOKED and ANGRY. They will lung at you and can jump FOUR METERS into the AIR. They will also GLARE at you disconcertingly from a DISTANCE. This will probably make unmanly men feel UNCOMFORTABLE. Manly men, however, will KICK THOSE PIGS' ASSES.
Cows can be milked for LAVA, but only if you're man enough to get close to them, since they are now equipped with a SHOTGUN. Their shot gun fires FLAMING BULLETS. Cows are dangerous and on a mission of VENGEANCE.
There are no chickens in the Pain Forest. Instead, chickens will have evolved into flying DRAGONS. Dragons breath FIRE through processes described as SCIENCE and HERESY. These dragons are MEAN, but are actually PRETTY COOL GUYS once you get to know them. But to get to know them, you have to RIDE THEM with a SADDLE, not in the SEXUAL WAY because that'd be GROSS.
Caves in this region would be DANGEROUS, filled with large amounts of LAVA and DEATH. When torches run out, THEY EXPLODE. The caves are lined with pockets of ADMINIUM (or whatever you dudes decide to call it). Inside the adminium are smaller pockets of DIAMOND, but you can't get to them because you are not MANLY ENOUGH since you're not AUSTRALIAN, unless you are, in which case you need BETTER EQUIPMENT. Dungeons in the region will be MAZE LIKE with TRAPS, possibly LASERS. There will also be deposits of coal, but they'll be on FIRE. Iron and gold will have been pre-smelted in the AWESOME HEAT. Redstone deposits may infact shoot LASERS even though that's IMPLAUSIBLE. But hey, so is Redstone IN GENERAL. There will also be deposits of TNT, which will explode when you PISS IT OFF. You can piss it off by being smug about being manly, or being RACIST. TNT HATES racism.
Grass won't grow in the Pain Forest, since it would just BURST INTO FLAMES, or evaporate. Instead, the ground will be covered by the blood of LESSER MEN. Flowers that grow on this blood will want to KILL you, but will be unable to because they're FLOWERS. The sun doesn't shine in the Pain Forest because it's too afraid that the Pain Forest will kick its ASS. It's probably right. The moon, however, does rise, but it's RED and will shoot LASERS, that teleport you to the HELL DIMENSION which could potentially be on the MOON next to the DRACULA MOON BASE [source]. As it turns out, Dracula is a GOOD NEIGHBOR.
Anyway, this sums up my theories regarding the Pain Forest. I'm look forward to see what Notch does with this. My theory is that the Pain Forest is the ideal dwelling for HEROBRINE. Or at least it was, but he was too UNMANLY to survive and DIED EMBARRASSINGLY, which is something he REGRETS.
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