QFRAT #253 - Wintersports

[Ianus]

A history of city life and politics in 19th century New York.

It taught me that the most famous sport at the time was rat clubbing. Many of the bars in Five Points had fighting pits in them. A man would go into the pit armed with a club and they'd dump sacks of rats into the pit and they'd either time how long it took for him to kill a set amount or time him on how many he could kill in an allotted time.

There were also riots concerning the two major Shakespearean actors of the day and whether their performances of Macbeth were nativist or not. Actually, there was a riot for almost anything. My favorite was an infamous brawl between the city and municipal police forces. Hundreds of cops met in front of city hall to settle a dispute over jurisdiction. They settled it by beating each other for two hours.

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Es ist wie Fantasyliteratur....nur tausend mal besser. ATM finde ich hier und da wieder interessante Stücke. Vorhellenistische Religion ist witzig.

[Icetongue]

Ianus, Link.

If you diagnose a patient with gonorrhea, be sure to ask if she has any family members she would like to treat as well, because I was at a loss when I was asked the question "Should I treat my dog, too?"

Sitting on the porch minding your own business is the #1 cause of knife wounds.

If somehow a ping pong ball should make its way into your rectum and you cannot retieve it, do not mix yourself a cement enema--as this will only make your problems worse.

No, you may NOT eat if you have come in for "severe" abdominal pain.

"See, I told you I was having a heart attack, look at the monitor, its a flat line"

Woman comes into the ER. States that she has a sore belly/abdomen. A pelvic exam reveals some interesting findings. First, her vaginal vestibule is being held closed with a number of safety pins that are beginning to rust (if I remember correctly). When these are removed, several pieces of chicken- presumably making up a whole bird, were subsequently removed from her vagina. She then revealed that she was desperate to get pregnant, and thought that shoving a chicken "up there" and fastening it closed woud do the trick.

After you bring your 775 lb body to the ED to w/u a foul odor from your rectum and upon examination (with one person holding up the left buttocks with all his might) a lost television remote is found abscessed inside your gluteal fold, by all means, ask if you can have it back because you were tired of changing channels with your cane and by throwing objects at the television. Really, there is no need to question just how or why the remote is there...

If you are 13 and feeling....experimental....Don't use the dish hose from the sink as your ambassador to rectal pleasure. If you do, the spring-loaded handle thingy will open after you shove it up past the anus, making it impossible to get out.

If you've been stabbed in the head and blood is jetting out of your temporal artery taking a shower to wash off the blood before coming to the ER won't help.

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[drunken monkey]

Ianus, Link.

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Seconded.

Und mit sinnlosen Zitatfolgen kann ich auch aufwarten…

Saying "I apologize" is the very same as saying "I'm sorry", unless you're at a funeral.

"Sort of" is a harmless thing to say...unless you add it behind stuff like "I love you", "you're going to live" or "It's a boy!"

I was walking down the street and this guy waved at me, then he said, "I'm sorry, I tought you were someone else." I said, "I am!"

I saw a sign that said "Watch for Children!"... I tought "That's a fair trade"...

This girl was really amazing. She showed me the dressing room. She said "If you need anything, I'm Jill".... I was like "Oh my god! I never met a woman with a conditional identity!... What if I dont need anything?.... Who are you?"

I think they named Oranges before they named Carrots.
"What are these?" - "These are orange....oranges"
"And these?" - "... Oh shit... Long stickies?"

When they were naming the animals, some people were lazy... Anteater?
"What's he doing?" "He's eating ants..." "DONE, NEXT!"

I think a bad place for a fire would be the factory were they make these fake-birthday-candles.

I think it would be cool if you were writing a ransom-note on your computer and the paperclip showed up:
"It looks like you're writing a ransom-note, you need help with that? You should use stronger language, you'd get more money!"

Once I had to go to the bathroom in a club, there were no one in there... so I sat down... somebody had written on the stall:
"Metallica rulez..." Under that it said:
"Metallica sux..." Under that it said:
"You suck..." Under that it said
"Fuck you..." And I tought...
"Man... a lot of people shit with pens!"

This summer I wanna go to the beach and bury metal objects and write on them "Get a life"

I love the beach, love to get there really early, before everyone else shows up and take like 30 bottles and write notes in them and throw them all into the water. And I wait for everyone to come to the beach. When someone goes to pick up a bottle I go up behind them, cause when they open it, inside is a note that sais "I'm standing right behind you!"

My Computer beat me at chess, but than I beat him at kickboxing.

I think batteries are the most traumatic objects of all objects. Because other objects just break or stop working, but batteries... they die!

I want to make a jigsaw with 40.000 pieces and when you finish it, it says "GO OUTSIDE!"