Zitat von AlienSLof ausm Nexus. (Stellungnahme zu ihrem Aufhören und Bedauerns Kundgebungen der Fans)
I think I'd better clarify things a bit here.
First of all, thanks for the support. It is much appreciated when one is in a dark place in life, and many of the comments make me smile, some make me frown, etc.
The comments that drove me away were actually not in PM's or mails. If only they were - private communications can be easily ignored, but when my work is dissed in public, that is when I take exception. This time it was a comment on Beth's forums after someone had asked about male-specific mods. Indeed, the comment was made by one who has posted here, believe it or not. I will not name names - I'm sure he can figure it out for himself. That the comment came from a supposed fan, one who should know better, is what really hurt. Someone I thought actually appreciated my work, given his tastes. The comment went along the lines of 'if you don't mind 'sexy' male gear, Slof's stuff is good, but some of it is a bit girly.
I mean, was that really necessary? Perhaps if more people simply said 'some might not be to taste' - surely better than specific insults, eh? I cater for all tastes (except female clothes), some of my stuff is animals.
Many of my friends are gay men. One of my all-time best buddies is a bisexual man. It doesn't make me or my mods 'gay'. Indeed, if I was gay, I'd be dribbling over the female mods, playing females and modding for them. I play my game in 3rd-person, and as a hot-blooded and straight woman, I'd much rather look at a man's butt than a woman's. Most of my male characters like males, so I use male companions - Stoker Wolff being my particular favourite as he is romanceable by males as well as females. This gives me more man-candy in my game, and more excuses to dress them up in my stuff. Most of my characters are flamboyant mantarts who care about how they look, however extravagant it might be.
I don't mind people not liking my stuff. No one can make things to appeal to everyone without exception. It is physically impossible. Some here have offered me support even though a lot of my stuff is not their 'thing' and they use few, if any, of my mods. That means a lot - those same people just pass my stuff by without deriding it, and I appreciate that. I don't like cheat mods, but you don't see me rating them down or insulting them and their authors. I just leave them be, knowing that they still fill a niche.
A lot of my mods come about because I want to push myself to new limits, or I have new ideas on how to do something. I probably get more enjoyment out of swearing at Blender and Photoshop as I do actually playing the game with them afterwards! I'm still relatively new to 3d modelling and still make many mistakes. I mod for myself first. Everything I make is something I want in my own game. Sharing it is a secondary pleasure.
I am a naturally generous sort. I share, not for glory or fame, but because I like to share my things. I like to see the screenshots of characters wearing what I make, whether it's full-covering or he's 'almost wearing' it! I never set out to be a 'top modder' or 'high profile' and don't really see myself in that light at all. I am just me doing what I like doing. Art, in whatever form, is my whole life. I come from an artistic family, and since the stroke crippled me a couple of years back, my art is more important to me than ever, as it is one of the few things I didn't lose as a result. I can't move around very well any more, I am retired from running my own business, but modding and art keeps my brain ticking over and thus I stay this side of sane.
So then, what have I done to earn the insults? All I ever wanted was to just be able to enjoy people enjoying what I made. I objectify the things I like the most. Men in many cases. I love them. Same with horses and other animals. How is that any worse than a man objectifying the female? Yet some males seem to hate me for liking their gender.
As for those who tell me to 'get a life' - I have a full and active sex life with a man I think the world of and have been with for 20 or more years. I probably get more of a life than those telling me to get one.
People are strange and I will never understand them. I often feel very much the 'alien' Slof.
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